Guest Post: How to Get Your Significant Other to Start Exercising

This week’s Fitness Post is brought to you by personal trainer Igor Klibanov from Fitness Solutions Plus.

 

You work out on a regular basis. But your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t. What do you do? Here are some strategies:

Call it a “Date”

Say “let’s go on a workout date.” This accomplishes 2 things: you get to spend time together, and you get to improve your body. Oh, and you also get to see your significant other grunting and sweating. Sexy. Or, like my girlfriend, maybe you just get to see your significant other complain about how much they hate exercising. Tough luck. Suck it up. But I digress.

Use Questions to Figure out What’s Holding Them Back

As Dale Carnegie said in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, if the idea comes from you, it will be rejected. If the idea comes from their own mind, it will be accepted. So here is how you start that conversation:

Ask them “have you ever exercised before?”

If they say “no”, follow it up with “why not?” If they say “yes”, follow it up with “why don’t you exercise now?” Of course, modify this to sound like yourself. Whether they answered yes or no, this usually boils down to a few different reasons:
They think they don’t have time. As one of my favourite clients said “nobody has time. You make time for it.” Barack Obama exercises 6 days a week. If he can do it, why can’t you? They likely have time to watch American Idol, or Dancing With the Stars, or whatever show is “in” right now (sorry, I’m not even sure what shows are on anymore. I haven’t watched TV in 5.5 years). But even so, suggest a 10 minute workout. It’s much easier to wrap your head around 10 minutes than an hour. The hardest part is just starting the workout. Once it’s underway, they’ll feel like doing more.

They don’t know what to do. Great. All the more reason for a workout date. You can teach them. Or if they’re really keen, they can hire a personal trainer, who will customize the workout for them, hold them by the hand, and make it complete not intimidating. I think I know someone like that.

They don’t like it. Maybe they just haven’t done it in a way that they like it. There is not shortage of exercise routines out there. If you don’t like one, move on to the next one, until you find something you do like.

And sometimes, they just have to get around not liking it. It’s simply a necessary part of your health. After all, do you “like” brushing your teeth? Not really. It’s just something you do. The same should go for your exercise.

Here are a few other important questions to ask to get them motivated:

  • If you were to exercise, what would be your goals?
  • Why is that important to you?
  • What’s your current plan to get you there?
  • How does that affect you now?
  • What impact does that have on you?
  • Let’s say 6 months go by and you keep doing what you’re doing, where do you see yourself?
  • Let’s say 6 months go by, and you do exactly what you’re supposed to do, where do you see yourself?
  • What’s standing between you and your goals?

Here is what a typical conversation goes like between us and our clients:

Me: If you were to exercise, what would be your goals?
Client: I would want to lose weight and get toned.

Me: why is that important to you?
Client: I want to look good and feel better about myself.

Me: What’s your current plan to get there?
[USUALLY, there are 2 answers for this]
Client’s answer 1: I don’t have a plan
Client’s answer 2: I’m doing cardio or fitness classes 2-4 times per week, or yoga or name an exercise program.

Me: How’s that working for you?
Client: either it’s not. Or it worked at first, but no longer does. I’ve made some initial progress, but now, I’ve been stuck for the last 5 months or 2 years.

Me: How does that affect you now?
Client: I can’t fit into my clothes and I don’t have the energy levels that I’d like to have.

Me: What impact does that have on you?
Client: I don’t feel attractive, and I can’t do the things that I like to do, like travel or golf, etc.

Me: Let’s say 6 months go by and you keep doing what you’re doing, where do you see yourself?
Client: I’ll still be stuck, or I may be worse off. Even worse energy, even more clothes that don’t fit, etc.

Me: Let’s say 6 months go by, and you do exactly what you’re supposed to do, where do you see yourself?
Client: I’ll be 20 pounds lighter, with better energy levels, and more muscle tone. I’ll be able to wear some clothes that I haven’t been able to wear for 5 years, and get lots more done in my day. I’ll be more attractive and more confident.

Me: What’s standing between you and your goals?
Client: I don’t have time or I don’t know what to do.

As you can see, these questions can be a strong catalyst for change, and would strongly motivate someone to start exercising.